What if I...

...told you I was in love with this? Would you surprise us with a size for all of me? I still know you, and I still like you...




Somehow, the time that seemed so easy to find before Moody, before PCM's and a marriage, before a job and the spring play, before making matza ball soup for a class, before heaviness set in my heart...now, that time that used to be spent on the floor, facedown, in prayer...it is seemingly gone. Dead. I have killed it. Sometimes I feel guilty. Sometimes I ease my conscience by telling myself I have no time for such things anymore. Sometimes I hate myself for it.

What is a relationship, if not to fellowship? What is fellowship, if not to still know and still like someone?

The Lord does still know and still love me, which is so great compared to my measly idea of liking, or even loving.

Lord. I need to still know you and still like you, to still love you.

You see, now I have homework and dishes to do, along with laundry to put away. When we are dead...we'll all have wings. We won't need legs to stand. My homework will mean nothing. But I care what my professor thinks. Should I not care more for God's heart? The dishes and laundry...I want to please my husband, I want to keep up, I want to prove that I can!

I want no more guilt, no more despising myself, no more fear, no more deadness and emptiness inside.

life. please give it to me.